As Tears Go By

As Children's literature class is coming to a close, I would like to put up a song of poetry by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones. This song can sum up much of what we discussed in class this semester, emphasizing the loss of innocence and the remembrance of childhood that every man and woman goes through.

“It is the evening of the day

I sit and watch the children play

Smiling faces I can see

But not for me

I sit and watch

As tears go by...

My riches can't buy everything

I want to hear the children sing

All I hear is the sound

Of rain falling on the ground

I sit and watch

As tears go by... 

It is the evening of the day

I sit and watch the children play

Doing things I used to do

They think are new

I sit and watch

As tears go by”

– The Rolling Stones

Poetry as Self-Analysis

"My poems are the most important because they tell me more about myself than anything else" (Chambers, 202).

Throughout her pillow books, Cordelia uses poetry not only as a vehicle with which to convey her feelings but also as a means of sorting out confusion within herself in order to come to an understanding of the self and an acceptance of the circumstance (i.e. when she writes about Will leaving her).
I can most definitely relate to the above quote; for me, the writing of poetry is most useful in times of uncertainty when I am not quite sure who I am and where I am headed. My poems reveal to me the underlying emotions that may not be readily apparent but which show through clearly when I articulate them in the form of a poem.
The way that Cordelia uses poetry is vast and begs for a larger discussion... I am opening the floor ;)

Meditation in This is All

Meditation is addressed in different ways throughout This Is All. Cordelia speaks of meditation early in the book, but is referring to an instinctive and spontaneous type of meditation. Perhaps sometimes thought of an epiphany, Cordelia speaks of those fleeting moments when everything suddenly makes sense. Too often, these moments pass, unable to be recalled in the same visceral manner. “I met inside me at that moment a great deep beauty which I knew was my soul” (p 41) she says, and in this one moment understands her unadulterated self. Deeper into the story, she refers to another kind of awareness that is also a form of meditation. At several different intervals Cordelia confronts, through poetry and words, the place where the corporeal and the spiritual intersect. She uses her connection to language to explore her losses and her grief. “My mother’s hand in my hand on my mother’s hand on the arm of my mother’s now my chair” asks whether the absence of her mother is real or just a construct of our understanding of time and space (280). Cordelia meditates on these kinds of issues deeply and often throughout the book, which is why when Julie offers to teach her a conventional form of meditation, her experience becomes all the more comic. “...My legs started to hurt, my bum felt on pointes, I wanted to scratch my nose, and rub my eyes, I wanted to drink because my mouth was dry from sleep, and worst of all I needed a pee” is Cordelia’s initial reaction (421). Eventually, Julie’s instruction takes hold and Cordelia finds peace in the meditation. Meditation is intended to remove the thinking mind and replace it with the perceptive mind. Cordelia spends much of the book attempting to understand life; the moments in which she finds the most active answers are the moments in which she is trying the least.

This Is All

The first thing that I found surprising about "This is All" was the fantastic wordplay throughout 'The Red Pillow Box,' though at times I felt it got a bit annoying and became a parody of itself and a parody of wordplay - "giggle, giggle... giggle, giggle, giggle" (p.36) was annoying, but other times it was great - "O lordy lordy, it's going to happen at last, really going to happen, and the boy I chose, my William, who I love to the other side of besotted" (p.161). As I read further along in 'The Green Pillow Box,' I also wondered how realistic of a character Cordelia was. While at times I found her to be endearing and true, with the blatant sexuality, other times I felt it was overly sentimental and overly blatant - I wondered if the obsession on her "boobs" is meant to be realistic or humorous. I also found the different styles changes within the book tedious, and I felt like I was reading "Ulysses" for teenaged girls. But then I tried to think about the message that Aidan Chambers is trying to give. And I get it. I think it's valid, though sometimes it seems like Chambers is trying to be too clever for his own good, since while he finds himself giving in to the sentiment of unsatisfied teenaged love, he seems to have gotten the grasp of what one might expect a teenaged girl's obsessions to be, and no man ought to be this sure of those obsessions. But I feel like the way Cordelia adores Will, and the way you are really able to see her angst as she tries to get him back, is the truest part of the story, and the part that I felt is the most relatable. More than anything, it can be a fun read, and I will go along to the end.

Thanking Esther

I have been thing about Esther's opera for a solid week and I finally thought I should take a moment to say thank you. The whole project seemed such an immense undertaking, but what Esther accomplished surpassed anything I had imagined. The music was evocative and beautiful. I felt privileged to be a part of the process. I really hope that this piece will find another venue down the road, so that more people can share a part of Rose.

Whiteness In a Part-Time Indian

I thought it was interesting to consider how Whiteness was both the only medium for hope in the story, and yet the crippling cause of shame and stagnation for all the characters, including Junior.

From the beginning of the story, the reader is presented with a dual understanding of Whiteness. Mr. P, an old wretched and depressed caricature of the evil and yet repentant white man, serves to represent the pervasive shame that cripples every Indian trapped on the reservation. At the same time, we come to learn that Junior's only hope for survival is to engross himself in the most white school accessible to him. The complexity of appealing to the oppressor for personal salvation is somewhat astounding. I have come to think that Junior's motivation stems from the need to see the whites in a humane light, so that there exists the possibility of growth for the relationship between the oppressed and oppressive actors. Without that sense of progress, hope for equality is stunted, and the roles are to become permanent i suppose.

Lack of Control and Escape in "The Absolutely True Diary..."

One major theme in "The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian" is the idea of having control (or not!) over one's fate. When Junior describes his state of poverty, he ends the description with "It's an ugly circle and there's nothing you can do about it" (13). The remainder of the book tells the tale of Junior attempting to take control over his life and his destiny by stopping the spinning circle in its tracks.
This book also deals very much with the concept of escape. The major problem of alcoholism in the Indian reservation undoubtedly results from people's attempts to shut out the reality of life. Everyone, that is, except Junior's grandmother who said "Drinking would shut down my seeing and my hearing and my feeling. Why would I want to be in the world if I can't touch the world with all of my senses intact?" (158) Junior (whose level of maturity should be discussed as well) understands the reasoning behind the drunkenness; as he says, "There are all kinds of addicts, I guess. We all have pain. And we all look for ways to make the pain go away" (107). For most of the people on the reservation, alcohol is that means of escape from reality and the pain it holds. For Mary, it is romance novels. For Junior, it is the drawing of his cartoons, about which he says "I draw because I feel like it might be my only real chance to escape the reservation. I think the world is a series of broken dams and floods, and my cartoons are tiny little lifeboats" (6). Sometimes it is through healthy means, such as drawing or writing, and sometimes it is through damaging means, like alcohol and drugs, but almost everyone has something in their lives that acts as a life boat amidst all confusion and pain.